Preparing with the Therapist
The idea of disclosing at school didn't come overnight.
Sam talked about it with his therapist over many sessions. What it would mean. How he could do it. What he wanted to tell his classmates.
It was a process. An important process.
Because it wasn't about us as parents thinking it was a good idea. It was about Sam himself being ready to take this step.
And at some point, the time came. Sam had made the decision: He wanted to tell his classmates who he is. How he perceives the world. Why he sometimes reacts differently than other children.
It was his decision. Not ours. His.
The Parent Letter
When Sam had made his decision, my wife drafted a letter to parents.
It stated that Sam would disclose to the class. That he would talk about his autism. That he would explain how he experiences the world.
The letter was important. Because the other children's parents should know what was coming for their kids – and how they could respond to it.
My wife gave the letter to Sam's classroom teacher, who forwarded it to the class parents.
So everyone was informed. There was no surprise. No uncertainty. Just clear information.
And that was good.
The Big Day
One morning, my wife, Sam's therapist, and his school aide met in the classroom.
And then it was Sam's turn.
Accompanied by his therapist, he told them about himself. About his emotional world. About how he perceives the world around him. How sounds are sometimes way too loud for him. How he sometimes needs longer to understand things. Why some things that are easy for other children are difficult for him.
He spoke honestly. Openly. Bravely.
And his classmates listened.
They asked questions. They wanted to understand. They showed interest – genuine interest.
There was no awkward silence. No lack of understanding. It was real curiosity and real empathy.
This was already in first grade. Sam was still small, but he was ready to take this step. And his classmates were ready to understand him.
The Children's Response
We had hoped it would go well. But we were also nervous.
Would the children treat Sam differently afterward? Would they exclude him? Would his friends suddenly keep their distance?
The answer was: No.
Sam didn't lose a single friend through the disclosure. On the contrary.
The children showed tremendous understanding for him. They suddenly understood why Sam sometimes reacts the way he does. Why he sometimes withdraws. Why he doesn't like certain things.
And this understanding made everything easier. For Sam. For the other children. For everyone.
Children have this wonderful ability to simply accept things when you explain them. Without prejudice. Without judgment. Just like that.
What It Did for Sam
The disclosure made Sam incredibly proud.
He had dared to stand in front of his whole class and talk about himself. About things that aren't easy. About things that make him vulnerable.
And he did it. He really did it.
That gave him so much self-confidence. So much strength.
He no longer had to hide. He no longer had to pretend. He could just be himself.
Our Solutions
- Long-term preparation with therapist
- Child makes the decision themselves
- Parent letter to inform other families
- Therapist present during disclosure
- Age-appropriate explanation
- Open Q&A with classmates
- School aide involved in process
- No pressure, only when child is ready
What the Science Says (Brief & Understandable)
Studies show that age-appropriate disclosure in school can have positive effects on social integration and self-esteem when done voluntarily and with support.
Peer understanding increases when autism is explained in a child-friendly way, which can reduce bullying and promote inclusion.
Therapeutic preparation is crucial to ensure the child feels safe and in control of the process.
Parental involvement through information letters helps create a supportive environment beyond the classroom.
Selected Sources:
American Academy of Pediatrics – Autism and School Integration
DSM-5-TR – Autism Spectrum Disorder
Humphrey & Lewis (2008): Disclosure in schools
Ochs et al. (2001): Autism disclosure and peer acceptance
What We've Learned
Disclosure is a personal decision that belongs to the child – not to us.
When it's done right, with support and preparation, it can be an incredibly empowering experience.
And children? They're often much more understanding than we expect.