The Fight for a School Aide
Before Sam started school, my wife recognized early – due to her educational background – how important a school aide would be for him.
She – though I didn't see it as clearly then – knew: Sam needs help at school. If that doesn't work from the start, school could fail immediately.
So she applied in good time before school enrollment for a school aide from the responsible agency.
The first response from the agency?
"Sam doesn't need a school aide because he's not in school yet."
Boom. That simple. A classic bureaucratic circle: You need help to manage school, but you don't get help because you're not in school yet.
But we didn't give up.
My wife followed up, submitted forms, made phone calls, organized evaluations – and in the end, Sam actually stood there on his first day of school with a school aide.
And that was important. Really important.
Why the School Aide Is So Important
The school aide gives Sam the structure he needs to manage the school day.
She's not just an additional supervisor. She's his point of contact, his orientation, his calm anchor in an often loud and chaotic school environment.
She helps him understand tasks, get organized, take breaks when it's too much, and avoid or resolve conflicts with other children.
Without her, school would be constant overwhelm for Sam.
With her, he has a chance to manage there – not perfectly, not always easily, but manageable.
The Morning Meeting
Every morning we meet the school aide at the same spot, at the same time.
Always the same meeting point. Always the same time. Always the same routine.
That might sound trivial, but for Sam it's essential.
Before he goes into school, he says goodbye to us – with an extended goodbye ritual. Every time. Without exception.
We briefly confer with the school aide: How was the night? Were there any problems? What should she watch for today?
Then Sam's school day begins.
For him, the day doesn't start with entering the classroom but with this morning ritual. It gives him security. It gives him orientation. It tells him: Everything is going according to plan.
No Full Day – And Why That's Okay
Since Sam can't do full-day school because it's simply too loud there, we pick him up earlier – again at the same spot.
Full-day care with many children, loud noises, changing activities, and few retreat options wouldn't be manageable for him.
So we decided against it.
At pickup, we briefly discuss with the school aide whether anything special happened, how the day went, whether there were challenges.
Then we go home. Always the same routine.
Our Solutions
- Early application for school aide (before enrollment)
- Persistent follow-up with bureaucracy
- Fixed daily meeting spot and time
- Extended goodbye ritual before school
- Brief morning status check with aide
- No full-day program (too much stimulation)
- Early pickup at same location
- Brief afternoon debrief with aide
- Consistent routine provides security
What the Science Says (Brief & Understandable)
School aides (also called educational assistants or paraprofessionals) are proven to significantly support autistic students' school participation and learning success.
Fixed routines and rituals at school transitions (arrival, departure) reduce anxiety and increase predictability.
Consistent communication between parents and aide enables better regulation and early intervention when problems arise.
Environmental adaptation (like avoiding full-day programs when sensory overload is an issue) is a form of reasonable accommodation under disability law.
Selected Sources:
American Academy of Pediatrics – School Support for Autism
DSM-5-TR – Autism Spectrum Disorder
Giangreco et al. (2010): Paraprofessionals in inclusive schools
Causton-Theoharis & Malmgren (2005)
What We've Learned
Sometimes you have to fight for what should be a given.
A school aide isn't a luxury – it's often the difference between school working or failing.
And consistency? It's not rigidity. It's security.