Shift Work & Family

When two high-stress systems collide

My Work Reality – Constant High Stress

I work shifts in a large ICU.

23 beds. Over 1,000 patients per year. Interdisciplinary. Major trauma center. Emergency calls. Bariatric surgery.

Something's always beeping.

The stress is constant. Decisions are often life-critical. There's rarely any quiet.

At Home: A Second High-Stress System

Home looks different – but it's no less demanding.

It's chaotic. Someone's always crying or screaming. Quiet time is severely limited.

Constant stress.

A young child like Sam – or Johanna too – can't understand that Dad just came from a night shift or is emotionally depleted.

And honestly: At some point, I couldn't take it anymore either.

The Breaking Point

We changed things because it became unbearable.

And I mean that literally.

I wanted to move out multiple times. Just get away. Not because I don't love my family, but because I had no space left to even function.

Decisive Actions

We made decisions that weren't comfortable, but were necessary.

I stepped down from my leadership position. Nearly 100 staff members can create quite a bit of stress – on top of everything else.

My wife returned to parental leave and currently only works Fridays.

I scheduled a Friday shift that allows me to:

Structure.

On other days, my wife handles the routines.

Transitions for Adults Too

When I come home from a shift, I always have about 30 minutes for myself before entering the daily chaos.

No conversations. No decisions. Decompressing.

Only after that am I approachable again.

This wasn't optional – it was essential.

Planning Creates Security

For Sam, we have a daily plan that my wife creates with him on Sunday evenings for the coming week.

It clearly shows: When am I there? When not?

This transparency gives Sam security. And gives us peace.

An Honest Assessment

I have to be honest: My profession isn't optimally suited for a young family with a special needs child.

That doesn't mean it's impossible.

But it means:

You can't permanently carry two high-performance systems simultaneously without changing something.

What the Science Says

Shift work, especially in healthcare, is associated with increased risk for:

Studies show that parents of children with autism spectrum disorders are additionally exposed to significantly higher psychological and organizational stress.

Particularly problematic is the combination of:

Research findings also show that clear structures, predictable routines, and deliberately scheduled transition times can significantly improve family stability.

Sources (Selection):
Costa (2003): Shift Work and Health
Åkerstedt (2005)
Karst & Van Hecke (2012)
DSM-5-TR: Autism Spectrum Disorder

What We've Learned

Shift work with a special needs child is possible – but not without compromises.

Structure helps not only the child, but also the adults.

And sometimes the most important decision is letting go of something to gain something else.

If this text helps other parents give themselves permission to step back professionally, then it has fulfilled its purpose.
📌 Important Note: The information on this page is based on our personal experience and is not medical, therapeutic, or career advice. Every family situation is unique. Always consult with qualified professionals, therapists, and career counselors for your specific circumstances. We're sharing what works for us, not prescribing what should work for everyone.