Early Recognition: Energy Management is Key
We realized very early as parents: Managing our energy is one of the most important resources we have.
That's why we started taking turns at night and in the evenings early on, when I was home. When one could, the other slept.
Everything that would have drained energy organizationally, we simplified.
Food was ordered online. Errands were outsourced. Decisions were reduced.
Not out of convenience, but out of necessity.
Constant State of Overwhelm
With Sam, it was such that until about his fourth year, he slept a maximum of two hours at a stretch.
At the same time, you couldn't take your eyes off him for a minute.
Constant tension. Day and night.
With Johanna's birth, everything changed – but not for the better.
Even less rest time. Me on shift work. My wife in an 80 percent position.
It reached a point where it just didn't work anymore.
When the System Tips
At home there was only screaming. Everyone suffered. Children and adults alike.
Only when we pulled the emergency brake could something change.
I stepped back professionally. My wife reduced her hours to one day per week.
That wasn't a comfortable decision. But it was necessary.
Looking back, I think: That was also the step that preserved our relationship.
Being Allowed to Name Exhaustion
Today we handle it differently.
We clearly say: "I can't anymore." "I need 20 minutes."
And in most cases, we try to make that happen.
One of us then takes the kids and goes out with them – to the forest, to the playground, or just away from home.
The other can sleep, decompress, or just completely reset.
Sometimes Johanna goes to a friend's, or Grandpa takes care of Sam.
Even deliberate TV time for the kids sometimes gives us a small piece of quiet.
Our Most Important Strategies
- Realistically allocate energy
- Clearly name breaks
- Simplify or outsource tasks
- Prioritize sleep
- Accept support
- Counteract early
What the Science Says
Parental exhaustion is significantly elevated in families with children on the autism spectrum.
Studies show that chronic sleep deprivation and persistent overwhelm can lead to:
- emotional exhaustion
- irritability
- relationship conflicts
- increased burnout risk
At the same time, research proves that clearly defined recovery times, shared responsibility, and social support are crucial to stabilizing the family system.
Even short, regularly scheduled breaks demonstrably have a positive effect on stress regulation and resilience.
Sources (Selection):
Hastings et al. (2005), Weiss et al. (2014), Karst & Van Hecke (2012), WHO – Burnout
A Final Thought
Recovery isn't a luxury. It's a prerequisite.
My personal tip: Clearly agree on when, who, and how to take breaks.