Our Daily Life – Honest, Warm, and Sometimes Chaotic
Meals at our house aren't spontaneous moments but a well-prepared process. So Sam can prepare himself, we announce mealtime about 10 to 15 minutes in advance. We set a timer – sometimes via Alexa, sometimes via Sam's own alarm. Additionally, he gets a clear verbal notice: "Dinner in ten minutes." Meals always happen at the same time. A change in times is devastating for the rest of the day's schedule and Sam's mood.
Sam then knows what's coming next. He needs to check whether it's his turn or his sister's turn to choose what to listen to. He finds this information on his weekly schedule. If it's his turn, he should think about what he wants to listen to. If not, his sister should decide what she wants to hear, so he knows what will be playing. This helps him arrive internally and concentrate better on eating later.
Drinks come from a closed water bottle. If something tips over, at least it stays contained.
He eats mostly with his hands. Everything must be strictly separated: food here, sauce there, nothing may touch. Whenever possible, it's always the same food – this too is discussed precisely beforehand. Surprises at mealtime aren't a good idea.
We clearly orient ourselves to Sam here. His chair has a cover, because he doesn't like utensils. Hands and mouth are simply wiped on the chair in between – pragmatic, everyday-suitable, and stress-free.
Meals take between 30 minutes and 1.5 hours at our place. There's no talking, because Sam listens to his audiobook during this time. He doesn't want to wear headphones while eating.
And yes: The food goes into the microwave two or three times, because time plays a subordinate role here – calm is more important than temperature.
Our Solutions
- Clear announcements with time frame
- Always the same routines and rituals
- Few stimuli, no conversations during meals
- Environmental adaptation (chair, water bottle, separated food)
- No time pressure – eating is allowed to take time
- We adapt to Sam, not the other way around
What the Science Says (Brief & Understandable)
Autistic children benefit greatly from predictability and fixed routines, especially during transitions like mealtimes.
Sensory sensitivities (texture, temperature, smell, food mixing) are common and can be reduced through clear separation.
Auditory focus (such as audiobooks) can help prevent sensory overload and facilitate food intake.
Selected Sources:
American Academy of Pediatrics – Autism Spectrum Disorder and Feeding Issues
DSM-5-TR – Autism Spectrum Disorder
Schreck & Williams (2006)
What We've Learned
There's no "right" or "wrong."
There are only ways that work for your own child.