Our Daily Life – Honest, Warm, and Sometimes Chaotic
Over time, we've repeatedly offered Sam different safe spaces. For example, his own spot in the garden or the shower when things got too much.
The idea was good – the implementation initially wasn't.
Because we quickly realized: Anywhere his younger sister could also reach didn't work as a safe space.
Back then she was about two years old. Of course, she couldn't yet understand that this place was meant for Sam and that he needed to be undisturbed there.
So the retreat wasn't safe for Sam.
And a safe space that isn't safe is no safe space at all.
We eventually found the solution in his own room. Under his loft bed Sam got his very own retreat space.
There you'll find:
- his cushion
- a space curtain that clearly separates the area
- a small shelf with his books
The place is quiet, clearly structured, and low-stimulus. He can sit there, read, browse, or just be.
When everything gets too much, he doesn't have to explain anything. He just goes there.
Our Observations in Daily Life
What's particularly stood out to us over time: The better we understood Sam and his needs, the clearer our agreements and routines became, and the more consistently we maintained them, the less Sam needed his safe space.
Not because it became unimportant. But because Sam's overall daily life became safer and more predictable.
The safe space is still there today. It's always available. But just knowing it exists is often enough.
And that's exactly what seems to help Sam.
Our Solutions
- Consistently protect safe spaces from other children
- Clear spatial boundaries (curtain, furniture, level)
- Low-stimulus design without play invitation
- Familiar, calming objects (cushions, books)
- Free access – no explaining or permission needed
- Don't use safe space as "punishment" or consequence
- Simultaneously structure daily life and create security
What the Science Says (Brief & Understandable)
Autistic children frequently have an increased need for withdrawal when sensory, social, or emotional stimuli become too strong.
A safe space serves self-regulation: The nervous system gets the opportunity to calm down and reorganize.
It's important that this place is predictable, protected, and freely accessible.
Studies also show that the need for withdrawal can decrease when the overall environment is better adapted: clear routines, reliable processes, and understanding support.
The safe space nevertheless remains important – not as a permanent solution, but as a security anchor.
Selected Sources:
DSM-5-TR – Autism Spectrum Disorder
American Academy of Pediatrics – Sensory Processing & Regulation
Porges (2011): Polyvagal Theory
Ashburner et al. (2008): Sensory modulation and participation
What We've Learned
A good safe space doesn't replace a relationship. But it supports it.
It says: You're allowed to take a break. You don't have to explain yourself. You're safe.
And sometimes that's exactly what makes daily life a bit easier.