Our Daily Life – Honest, Warm, and Sometimes Very Tired
When it comes to sleep, we need to be completely honest: We're no different from many other families.
Sleep problems accompany us. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Periodically calm, then again tough and draining.
And no – we don't have a perfect solution, no magic formula, and no perfectly timed miracle plan.
Sometimes falling asleep goes well. Sometimes it takes forever. Sometimes Sam sleeps through. Sometimes the night is simply over at 3:00 AM.
The only thing we've learned: Sleep can't be forced.
Co-Sleeping – Looking Back, a Real Disaster
Looking back, we need to say something very clearly: Co-sleeping was the biggest disaster for Sam between ages one and three.
The idea behind it was well-meaning: closeness, security, falling asleep together.
The reality looked different.
Sam didn't want to fall asleep there. He wanted to tumble, climb, move. Sometimes for hours, around us, over us, always in motion.
The more tired we got, the more restless he became.
And eventually – completely exhausted – one or both parents would get louder. Not from unwillingness. But from pure overwhelm.
It wasn't a good place for anyone. Neither for Sam nor for us.
Only much later did we understand: Closeness doesn't automatically mean calm. And co-sleeping isn't a cure-all – especially not for every child.
What We've Tried (and What Remained)
Of course, we tried many things. Evening rituals, fixed times, calm transitions. Light, darkness, closeness, distance.
What remained are clear core pillars:
- a fixed evening routine
- same times as much as possible
- few stimuli in the evening
- familiar routines
- no big expectations
But equally important: We stopped seeing every bad night as a problem that needs to be "solved" immediately.
Some nights are just bad. And that's allowed.
Acceptance Instead of Constant Optimization
What has helped us enormously is a changed attitude.
Not every restless night is a sign that we're doing something wrong. Not every time lying awake needs an explanation.
Especially with Sam, we notice: The more we focus on structure, regulation, and security during the day, the less weight sleep itself carries.
And yet it sometimes remains difficult.
That's not failure. That's daily life.
What the Science Says (Brief & Understandable)
Sleep problems are very common in children – with and without autism.
Studies show: Difficulties falling asleep, night waking, and early morning waking occur periodically in many families.
For autistic children, additional factors often come into play: increased internal tension, difficulty winding down, and altered melatonin secretion.
At the same time, it's emphasized that pressure, force, and excessive control can actually worsen sleep.
A consistent framework helps – but acceptance is often just as important.
Selected Sources:
DSM-5-TR – Autism Spectrum Disorder
American Academy of Pediatrics – Childhood Sleep
Cortesi et al. (2010): Sleep in children with autism
Malow et al. (2014)
What We've Learned
Sleep isn't a training goal. It's a state.
You can prepare for it, support it, and protect it – but not force it.
And sometimes the most important thing isn't that everyone sleeps through the night, but that no one breaks down over it.
We're tired – but we're okay.