Our Evening – Honest, Tired, and Surprisingly Well-Organized
Bedtime at our house isn't a spontaneous "Okay, off to bed" moment. It's a carefully planned operation with time management, medication, and clear responsibilities. Basic rule: Always the same sequence, strictly following the daily schedule.
Early on, we decide who puts whom to bed: Dad with Johanna or Dad with Sam, Mom with Johanna or Mom with Sam – nothing's left to chance. Surprises are... well, let's say less than optimal.
After dinner, we negotiate playtime. Not guessed, not felt – agreed upon. Then we set a timer. The timer is law.
When it rings, we move forward:
Brush teeth.
Then Sam gets his medications.
A brief medical note from real life:
When Medikinet wears off, it tends to cause a rebound that doesn't exactly promote sleep.
That's why Sam gets melatonin in the evening along with his Risperdal tablet.
Not for fun – based on experience.
While the kids play, my wife or I prepare Sam's water bottle for bed.
In the bedroom, we also check:
Night light? On.
Everything okay? Okay.
During playtime, we (meaning Katharina and I) tidy up. Parenting-level multitasking.
Sam sleeps exclusively in his underwear. Pajamas bother him, clothing annoys him, sweating is guaranteed – so we skip it.
If there's school the next day, we announce it beforehand. Predictability beats surprise – always.
Then everyone says "Good night," and the kids are put to bed.
Here's where the cultural difference comes in:
With me (shame on my head) there's usually
a short Minecraft video on YouTube or an educational show.
My wife does it pedagogically correct
and always reads a story.
After the video or story, we turn off the screen, put the book aside – and then sleep should happen.
Sam doesn't want to close his eyes. He keeps them open until they fall shut. He also expects us to lie next to him until he's asleep. Deviations reliably lead to a meltdown.
Plus, there's quite a bit of wiggling. We tried a weighted blanket – rejected.
Falling asleep takes us between 30 minutes and 2 hours.
Once (really just once) my wife mixed up the medications and Sam got a Medikinet capsule in the evening. He was awake all night. Thankfully, that only happened once.
When I'm on shift, my wife reads a story with both kids together. Afterward – discussed in advance, of course – one child at a time goes to bed. If Johanna goes first, Sam gets to watch one more Minecraft episode.
For context:
Johanna is (STILL) an
"I touch the bed and I'm asleep" person.
Our Solutions
- Always the same routines following a fixed schedule
- Clear agreements: Who puts whom to bed
- Timer instead of discussions
- Fixed sequence: Play – Teeth – Medications – Bed
- Adaptation to Sam's sleep needs (clothing, light, accompaniment)
- Falling asleep is allowed to take time
- We stay with him – even when it takes long
What the Science Says (Brief & Understandable)
Predictability and Routines: Children on the autism spectrum benefit greatly from fixed routines, especially during transitions like bedtime. Consistent rituals reduce stress and sensory overload.
Sensory Sensitivities: Many autistic children react sensitively to clothing, light, sounds, or physical contact. Maintaining individual preferences (underwear instead of pajamas, night light, favorite blanket) facilitates falling asleep.
Medications and Sleep Regulation: Stimulants like Medikinet can delay sleep; melatonin can support falling asleep. Controlled, consistent dosing is important.
Parental Presence: Physical presence during sleep onset can help secure transitions, especially for children highly dependent on reliability.
Selected Sources:
American Academy of Pediatrics: Autism Spectrum Disorder and Sleep
Reynolds, A. et al. (2019): Sleep in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder
Coury, D. et al. (2014): Melatonin for Sleep in Children with Autism
DSM-5-TR: Autism Spectrum Disorder
What We've Learned
There's no "right" or "wrong" with sleep.
There are only ways that work for your individual child.
Patience and predictability are worth gold – especially when falling asleep takes long.
Small deviations can trigger big meltdowns – so it's worth maintaining structures consistently.
Humor helps us through the long nights.