Our Daily Life – Honest, Warm, and Sometimes Chaotic
We realized fairly quickly: A spontaneous dinner out with friends or family? Visits when we're not home at dinnertime? Visitors at our place after 5:00 PM?
That doesn't work. Not for Sam – and not for the rest of the evening.
Such deviations blow up the routine, overwhelm Sam, and make the entire evening stressful and restless.
The crucial change only came when we began to structure the afternoon consistently.
Today it goes like this: After school, Sam first needs a rest period. This usually lasts until about 2:30 PM. During this time he watches Minecraft videos.
After that begins his active phase. Sam acts out what he's seen, moves a lot, and literally bounces through the house.
This routine is the same every day. And it's exactly this repetition that has made the afternoon significantly more relaxed for everyone.
What (Still) Doesn't Work Well
Honestly, we need to say: Afternoon obligations – like homework – we haven't stably established yet.
There have been repeated attempts to integrate this into the routine, but so far without lasting success.
This is a point we'll certainly approach again – with more preparation, clearer agreements, and probably smaller steps.
New Building Blocks for More Calm
What we've additionally introduced is a noise light.
Due to increasing volume levels in the house, we deliberately introduced this tool, discussed it with both children, and established clear rules about it.
The noise light shows:
- Green: Volume is okay
- Yellow: It's getting too loud
- Red: Alarm tone, pause, volume down
It doesn't replace conversation, but it visualizes boundaries and takes emotion out of the situation.
And yes: It brings (still) additional calm.
Our Solutions
- Fixed afternoon times without spontaneous appointments
- No visits or outside appointments at dinnertime
- Always the same routine after school
- First rest phase, then active play phase
- Acceptance that not every afternoon is "productive"
- Use of timers and schedules
- Timely agreements instead of spontaneous changes
- Noise light for visual support
What the Science Says (Brief & Understandable)
After the school day, many autistic children are cognitively and sensorily exhausted. The need for withdrawal and structure is especially high in the afternoon.
Studies show that fixed routines after school, predictable processes, and visual aids significantly improve self-regulation and reduce evening escalations.
Free play phases, in which children act out or process experiences, are an important component of emotional regulation.
Additional visual systems like noise lights help make abstract rules (such as volume) concrete and understandable.
Selected Sources:
DSM-5-TR – Autism Spectrum Disorder
American Academy of Pediatrics – After-School Regulation
Hume et al. (2014) – Visual Supports
Ashburner et al. (2008) – Sensory Regulation
What We've Learned
Not every afternoon needs to be full. Not every day needs appointments.
For Sam – and also for us – a clearly structured afternoon means more calm, more security, and a significantly more relaxed evening.
Schedules, timers, and timely agreements are the real game-changer for us.